holidays + remembering to be thankful + being at home + the annual family Christmas card photo = reflection.

Reflection might not be such a bad thing… but reflection leads to comparing. There is still the day-to-day comparing myself to others in my surrounding (although I think I’m getting better about this), but this time of year leads me to compare myself to former versions of myself.

I blame a lot of this on the family Christmas card (a convenient scapegoat). There’s nothing like being able to physically line up images of myself over the years and make harsh judgments. I treat my picture each year almost as if I were a different person. Somehow I am not the same person as I was before… maybe before I was happier, or thinner, or smarter, or more considerate–who knows what it could be. I’m looking for an indication that I am a worse person now.

I know how disordered this all sounds, but there is something about self vs. self comparison that is much more significant than comparing myself to the person standing in front of me in the check-out line. Somehow these images say something about me as a person.

I know that comparing is a big problem for most people with eating disorders, but I wonder how many people beat themselves up over not measuring up to their former selves? I may possibly be my biggest trigger.