It was really weird for me to look at anxiety as some positive indicator of change rather than some big red “stop! uncomfortableness ahead!” sign. If I were waiting for recovery to be comfortable, it was never going to happen. Challenging the eating disorder was never going to feel good (at least not while still in the thick of it).

Coloring aside (and other “active meditation,” I guess), there is something that I hate about meditation (guided imagery especially). Deep breathing maybe helps me when I’m starting to freak out, but I think that’s because I’m telling myself “chill, take a moment, calm down, relax, collect yourself, you’ll be okay.” However, breathing deeply does stop my heart from beating so quickly.
Meditation is different though. I think it’s frustrating and I feel so impatient with it. It’s supposed to be calming, but really it just wears on …