As someone who’s struggled with an eating disorder for longer than I would like to admit, I’ve definitely had periods of falling into the “I suck at recovery” trap. It connects directly to the “I am wasting everyone’s time and don’t deserve help” trap as well as the “I’m actually fine and asking for too much because I’m attention-seeking like that” trap. And let’s not forget…

This evening I was reading Carrie’s post on overcoming core traits.  Personally, her post was very timely, having just finished reading the book, “When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough.”  That is NOT a book that I would normally pick up (I feel pretty well-versed in perfectionism), but my therapist handed it to me.  In hindsight, maybe I could have NOT read it and argued that I was challenging my perfectionism by not doing my therapy homework.  Oh well, next time…
Anyway, the book made a lot of good points, and I could …

I’ve been in all different levels of treatment with numerous professionals and various treatment centers, and overall I’d have to say that both group and individual therapy are important (and beneficial) in recovery.  With group, there are several people who you can bounce ideas off of, get advice from, relate to, and rely on for support.  I feel like most of the real therapy work happens in individual, though, where you can focus on your specific issues, goals, etc.  I really do think it helps to have both individual and …

I started this day in a panic over insurance.  I hate insurance.  I know that is such a blind, ignorant statement, but at this moment (and a lot of other moments) I really do.
Unfortunately it is a holiday (well, that in itself is not unfortunate), which means that neither insurance nor my treatment provider is working.  There’s nothing I can do about it today.  I can’t resubmit my claim or beg for more days.  I don’t know if I will be going to my appointment tomorrow.
I don’t want to spend …

I am not  an auditory learner.  At all.  I’m definitely a visual learner — in college I took copious notes, but didn’t really grasp the class material until later going over and reading those notes.  There’s just something about reading/writing that I need to get it.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t serve me too well in therapy.  I can have a great session and later that night not even remember half of what we talked about.  And on the same level, when I’m in session I don’t remember half of what I planned …

I have been extra tired lately.  VERY extra-tired.  I go through spells of this and am always fairly convinced that there’s something wrong with me.  It’s not normal for someone to get eight hours of sleep and need one – two naps during the day.  I end up having conversations with my fiance like this:
grey: I think that I’m anemic.
fiance: oh?
grey: I have all the symptoms — fatigue, headache, difficulty concentrating, pale skin, leg cramps…
fiance: Funny, those sound like the same symptoms of anorexia.
Then, the next month…
grey: I think I …

Once in awhile, my therapist assigns me homework — usually for one of several reasons:

We only had time to touch on a subject in therapy and she wants me to keep thinking about it to flesh it out.
She wants to keep better track of my symptoms and I’m not very good at bringing up bad days (not because I’m manipulative and want to hide it from her, but because I never feel it’s “bad enough” to bring to her attention).
There’s something that I’m not able to say in person, and …

Coloring aside (and other “active meditation,” I guess), there is something that I hate about meditation (guided imagery especially). Deep breathing maybe helps me when I’m starting to freak out, but I think that’s because I’m telling myself “chill, take a moment, calm down, relax, collect yourself, you’ll be okay.” However, breathing deeply does stop my heart from beating so quickly.
Meditation is different though. I think it’s frustrating and I feel so impatient with it. It’s supposed to be calming, but really it just wears on …

I am a little rigid about my daily routine. I like waking up at the same time every day, doing the same workout every day, working the same hours, eating the same foods, etc. I’m not totally inflexible (I can skip the workout, sleep in if I’m tired, take a half-day from work, spontaneously go out to eat, etc.), but when given the choice will follow my routine.
My routine basically went out the window when I moved to a new city this summer. I couldn’t walk the …

Cammy wrote a post about an experience that I (and probably many individuals with eating disorders) have been able to relate to on many occasions–an appointment with an ED-ignorant physician.  It happens all the time, and sometimes the professionals are VERY nice… they just don’t know anything about eating disorders.  So, rather than commandeer her comments with my own experiences, I thought I’d dedicate a post to some of the more frustrating remarks that I’ve received from doctors (and nurses–not dietitians, therapists, psychiatrists, etc.  I’ll save those for another day).

The …