When I was in treatment, I took it upon myself to create a list of reasons to recover.  I have one list which is composed by ideas from other patients, and another of ideas that I created myself.  I should probably post them somewhere I can always see them, or keep them in my pocket for when I’m having a tough time, but for now I’m sharing them with you all:

My reasons:

  • to have a future and family — both with my husband, dogs, and hopefully kids someday
  • to feel like my life has meaning and purpose
  • so that I can let myself believe that people care about it — and actually feel it.
  • because reaching out for help isn’t needy
  • so that hugs feel better than self-harm
  • to have genuine relationships and and not have to keep so many secrets
  • to feel lovable and worth caring about, even when there isn’t a reason — just because I am me
  • because connection requires vulnerability
  • because not asking for help, hurting myself, and what feels like protecting a relationship actually kills it — then there is no relationship
  • while loving can cost a lot, not loving always costs more
  • to not be afraid of wanting love
  • to not feel so empty
  • to spend less time obsessing about the future and more time living (and enjoying) the present
  • so that I don’t always feel so abandoned and hurt
  • to not let unfortunate events in the past ruin my life
  • because my treatment team says it’s possible, and I trust them
  • because God made me to be more than just “good enough”
  • so that I can see my dreams come to pass
  • to believe that I am someone special, and to share that with the world.
  • so that I can pay it forward (all of the help, support, and care that I’ve been given)
  • to be able to do something significant with my interests — grey thinking and art
  • to not allow complacence to keep me in mediocracy
  • because God forgives me
  • to be able to accept that I am a work in progress, and to let God to continue to change me for the better
  • because recovering doesn’t mean my past experiences and struggles don’t matter… I don’t have to keep re-victimizing myself to make those true.
  • because while I have made progress, I know that this is not where I am supposed to be.

Reasons from erika:

  • so that I can be the person I’ve always wanted to be
  • so that I can move on with my life (and actually have one)
  • so that my story can have a happy ending
  • to stop wishing and start living
  • to be happy with my body
  • no more scars
  • because I deserve to be okay
  • to feel like life is worth living
  • do it for those who love me
  • so I can start trusting people and letting my guard down
  • to not be consumed by these thoughts and actually have time/interest in thinking about other things
  • to be able to forgive myself
  • because I shouldn’t feel like I need to get hit every time I screw up
  • to be able to trust myself
  • so the good memories outweigh the bad ones
  • to stop being so afraid… and making decisions based on fear
  • because hurting myself won’t make me the person I want to be
  • to be able to experience emotion, rather than running from it
  • no more nightmares

I’d love to hear any other reasons you might have…. you can never have too long of a list!