It seems that this year, Glee is all about morals. On the whole, I’m not sure I love this aspect of the show, but tonight’s episode was on self-love, and I sure have a lot of thoughts on that.
I think I’m going to have to break my thoughts up into several posts, so let’s start with Emma and her OCD. Will’s attempt to help Emma with her OCD is not too far from experiences I’ve had with friends trying to help me with my eating disorder (both good and bad):
- Expressing care and concern – important. Just ignoring her issue (like the rest of the faculty) doesn’t help her, and kind of gives her the impression that her OCD is okay and maybe even normal.
- Helping Emma clean her fruit - just enabling the disorder. It reminds me of when I first started treatment — my mother took me to the grocery store so that I could buy safe food. You know, sugar-free jelly, pickles, light yogurt, etc. Sure, it eased my anxiety around food, but it also just helped perpetuate the eating disordered behavior.
- Bringing Emma unwashed fruit — frustrating. In my experience, while my mom realized was filling the house with fat free foods, my boyfriend at the time was headed the complete opposite direction with trying to force me to eat a lot of dessert. This, along with all the “just eat” comments, was also not helpful.
I’m personally glad that they are at least seriously addressing Emma’s OCD, because up until now (with a few exceptions), I feel like they (Will and the other faculty) have largely ignored it and maybe even mislead her to believe it’s not really a problem. Sure, Will makes a comment every once in awhile about how he thinks she’s doing better/worse, but for the most part he just eats with her and lets her clean her fruit like it’s a normal thing to do. It’s become Emma’s identity and a large basis of her character: she’s OCD; it’s just the way she is. As a result, I wasn’t surprised when she made this comment tonight:
“I’m not sure I want to lay on a couch and tell some stranger all of my secrets and I don’t want to start popping pills just so I can turn into someone that other people want me to be. This is how I am, this is who I’m supposed to be.”
I think this does bring up a really good point though, and something that I know I struggle with when it comes to mental illness: How much of my issues (anorexia, depression, anxiety, etc) is mental illness, and how much of it is me?
I’m pretty sure that I’m a perfectionist by nature and that I’ve always had obsessive compulsive tendencies. These are definitely pieces of my personality and they definitely contribute to my eating and anxiety issues. However, I am very certain that I’m not “supposed” to be anorexic or depressed. Even the genetic predisposition and biological contribution to mental illness doesn’t make these struggles my identity. They’re just that — struggles. Something that I have to deal with and work to manage or overcome.
When I was younger and first starting treatment, I worried that something would happen in therapy that would change me when I didn’t want to change. Somehow my psychologist would change my thoughts and I would be a different person. Ha, if only! I’m sure a lot of therapists out there would love for it to work that way. The reality though, is that you are the one doing all the work in treatment. Maybe you can be forced to gain weight or to take care of yourself while in intensive treatment, but it’s your personal responsibility to maintain that change.
6 comments
j says:
Apr 27, 2011
Agree with whats mentioned in the article but isn’t it more a case of ‘you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink’?
Although there are people trying to help and people trying not to help Emma in the above descriptions, its pointed out that each are wrong for their own reasons. I would say that it depends what the sufferer wants. If they actually want to get better or are not ready yet.
I’d say the best thing to do would be to say that ‘you’d noticed x,y and z happening, were worried about this and want to help but not sure how’ that then leaves the person to say where they are at, if they want help or are not there yet. Next issue that comes along is if they do ask someone to coloude with the behaviour, thats not something that has to be followed: if the person asking wants to fall into play with the whole thing then fine, if not they can politely refuse but let it be known that ‘if they ever do want to get help’ theres someone there.
The thing is at the end of the day it really is all down to personality, how far along someone is in their disorder and if they actually want to change, how much and how much of a problem do they think they have.
I would add that to the ‘forcing someone to gain weight’ again a mixed bag because by losing too much weight, its not abnormal to also lose part of your sanity and believe everything is fine, if no one ever forced ED sufferers to gain weight many would never do this, they’d either think “one day” and that one day would not ever happen, or they’d decide too late, die of a type or organ failure (heart attack) or even the belief that someone could or needs to gain weight could be easily over looked. I don’t think it feels nice having to gain weight and so rapidly (been there done that and its a scary scary thing!) but without it I know I’d have never done it myself and probably would have killed myself long ago.
Some behaviours are life threatening, others are life shrinking, its about relaying the message that whilst neither are fine, muscling in is the last resort and only ever really done when something is life threatening, not to say that one is not more important then the other, its just like dealing with apples and oranges, they are dealt with differently, they are different types of the same food, both as valuable as each other in terms of support required to deal with.
BL says:
Apr 28, 2011
I missed part of the episode, but I am going to comment anyway. When I first started watching Glee, I was worried that her OCD would just become something that was used for comic relief or something that would be sort of ignored unless needed for a bigger storyline. However, that hasn’t really been the case and I hope that they continue to feature some of the bigger issues and themes associated with her OCD. I have watched some of the scenes where the other faculty are ignoring the OCD and wondered if Emma feels like I do with regards to the ED – I always feel like it’s the big elephant in the room, that other people do know and think it is really abnormal but just don’t know what to say. Based on this past week’s episode, I wonder if that is the case with Will when it comes to Emma. I hope they explore that side.
I also think it’s hard with things like OCD or EDs to figure out what is “you” and what is the disorder because they are so intertwined. It is especially hard because aspects of both are considered normal or even desirable characteristics. For example, at what point is my need to have everything planned out, and the anxiety I feel when things are unplanned or are uncertain, considered abnormal? Clearly we see Emma do things that are definitely not what would be considered normal, but how much of that can be changed with treatment, and at what point is it considered an “acceptable” level of obsessions/compulsions. I think most professionals would say that the goal is to make it so that the behaviors, whatever they are, are not life-interfering, but if it is something you have dealt with your whole life, how do you define that? So many “grey” areas!
Jen says:
Apr 28, 2011
I think certain personality traits will always be there, but maybe the way they’re used can change. For example, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to be a perfectionist…until it becomes too much. It’s great to want to do your best and make sure your work is complete, but then it crosses a line at some point where it becomes destructive. I’ve heard many times from various professionals that people with EDs have the most amazing willpower – we just used it for the wrong reasons. Just imagine if all the energy spent on the ED was spent on something positive! The person would still be the same, just with a change of perspective.
I think that made sense…
greythinking says:
May 7, 2011
Jen,
Yep, makes sense! And re: willpower… how does that work in recovery, with trying to not relapse?
grey
Michael Carabini says:
May 4, 2011
We sometimes even make jokes about people being crazy or nuts even though we know that we shouldnt. A mental illness can be defined as a health condition that changes a persons thinking feelings or behavior or all three and that causes the person distress and difficulty in functioning. As scientists continue to investigate the brains of people who have mental illnesses they are learning that mental illness is associated with changes in the brains structure chemistry and function and that mental illness does indeed have a biological basis.
GleeFan17 says:
Jun 21, 2011
K well filling the house with unwashed fruit is actually similar to the exposure-and-prevention therapy used when treating OCD.