I’ve recently started watching Grey’s Anatomy again. I got behind (really behind) and always thought I would catch up… but it hasn’t happened, so I’m just going to have to go back and watch the last season at some point. That might not happen for awhile, though, so I’m just picking up with the current season and moving on.

A lot of Meredith’s monologes hit home with me, but she said something the other day about surgery and recovery that really hit me:

“The goal of any surgery is total recovery – to come out better than you were before. Some patients heal quickly and feel immediate relief. For others the healing happens gradually, and it’s not until months or even years later that you realize you don’t hurt anymore. So the challenge after any surgery is to be patient. But if you can make it through the first weeks and months, if you believe that healing is possible, then you can get your life back. But that’s a big if.”

Maybe the ultimate goal of treatment (for eating disorders, addictions, depression, anything really) is total recovery… but I think most people would tell you that intense treatment doesn’t immediately fix things. You don’t go to intense treatment and come back cured — it’s not that black and white. However, what I think people don’t realize is that treatment and recovery doesn’t even feel good a lot of the time. It can be miserable. Maybe there is some immediate relief at the beginning of treatment… usually because you’re pretty miserable in your disorder/addiction and knowing there’s help and a light at the end of the tunnel is some much needed hope. I knew a girl (in treatment for anorexia) who said the first month of intense treatment was easy, just because she was so hungry and tired of restricting. I can understand that.

My experience has been that much of treatment is uncomfortable. You’re pushed past what you’re okay doing and your negative coping skill of choice is taken away. Doing better can feel so much worse. How much does that suck?

I think Meredith is right on when she says “if you can make it through the first weeks and months, if you believe that healing is possible, then you can get your life back.” You might feel miserable during treatment. You might feel even worse immediately after intense treatment, when you’ve dropped levels of care and are dealing with the real world without your eating disorder / addiction. After a few months go by, though, it doesn’t feel so awful. That hurt and misery fades.

In the moment, the uncomfortableness feels so permanent. Unbearable, maybe. But, I think if you can keep plugging away… being patient with yourself, giving yourself some grace, and really just giving recovery a chance… it will get better. Maybe the word “healing” sounds so soothing and therapeutic… but like with surgery, that post-op period just isn’t fun. However, it’s also not permanent.