I stumbled upon this post today: You Deplete Me: 10 Steps to End a Toxic Relationship. It caught my attention because I have a friend who is in a horrible relationship, and now that he has read Codependent No More twice, I thought he could use some new reading. However, three paragraphs into the article, I saw this:

“A relationship doesn’t have to be romantic to fall into the “toxic” category, of course. Many friendships, mother-daughter, boss-employee, and waiter-eater relationships qualify. If someone is bringing you down consistently, chances are that your relationship with him is toxic.”

Hmm, sounds like something that I can connect to eating disorders! (Imagine!). I’ve heard that “the eating disorder is like a bad boyfriend.” I guess that in this context, referring to the eating disorder as “Ed” makes a lot of sense. The boyfriend analogy aside, the eating disorder does fall under the category of “toxic relationship.” Just look at how relevant the 10 steps are…

1. Step out of denial - I just wrote a whole post about eating disorders and denial. The article suggest asking yourself questions like, “Does the ED leave you feeling energized or drained? Do I want to spend time on the ED or do I feel like I have to? Do I look to the ED for a response that I never get?”
2. Keep a log of emotions – I’ve had a hundred food journal variations, but I think they all had a section for thoughts and feelings.
3. Identify the perks - The eating disorder is doing something for you… it serves a purpose (maladaptive as it may be). Maybe it’s something you’re good at, or it’s a distraction from everything else in your life, or maybe it numbs overwhelming feelings. There are pros of the eating disorder.
4. Fill the hole - EDs are coping skills. If you take it away, you have to find some other coping skill to rely on. (See my whole series on coping skills). Recovery might leave you with other holes… like free time that you previously spent obsessing over food/weight or that sense of accomplishment that you got when the number on the scale went down.
5. Surround yourself with positive friends - the article is right on with this one:
   

   “Lots of support and friends isn’t going to cut it. You need the right kind of friends – i.e. those working on their boundaries as hard as you are, who aren’t enmeshed in their fair share of toxic relationships and therefore become somewhat toxic themselves. The stuff is contagious.”

   Eating disorders are competitive. Dieting and disordered eating are prevalent in society. It’s easy to be triggered and important to be surrounded with “normal” eaters.

6. Drop a note to yourself – I was glad to see this on the list, just because it makes me feel a little less crazy. I write notes to myself all the time.
7. Bribe yourself - I knew a girl who did this. When she was tempted to binge, she’d take the money that she wanted to spend on that and purchase something else for herself (nothing big – like $10 to $15).
8. Heal the shame - I think that shame is HUGE in maintaining eating disorders. The article references “inner-child work,” which I know is helpful for a lot of people.
9. Repeat affirmations - I am not an affirmation person, but I may be the only one. However, I am a QUOTE person… and while not really the same as an affirmation, I think that they can kind of serve the same purpose – to cheer you up, keep you motivated, remind you of something important, etc.
10. Allow some rest - need I really elaborate?

So, while I don’t think I’ll be telling my friend that my eating disorder is just like his relationship with his girlfriend… it’s an interesting idea.