Career in Perfectionism
This evening I was reading Carrie’s post on overcoming core traits. Personally, her post was very timely, having just finished reading the book, “When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough.” That is NOT a book that I would normally pick up (I feel pretty well-versed in perfectionism), but my therapist handed it to me. In hindsight, maybe I could have NOT read it and argued that I was challenging my perfectionism by not doing my therapy homework. Oh well, next time…
Anyway, the book made a lot of good points, and I could write a dozen posts on it (maybe I will… another day), but one thing that really stuck out for me was the idea that perfectionistic behavior maintains perfectionistic beliefs. I understand the whole idea of challenging perfectionistic beliefs and testing their validity – that wasn’t really a new concept for me. What I am curious about, though, is if perfectionistic behavior can exacerbate perfectionistic beliefs, and therefore anxiety?
A year ago, I switched jobs to something that required a lot of persistence and focus to detail. A LOT. How perfect – I can get paid for my OCD-like tendencies! When the job opportunity arose, I really approached the career change from a square block, round hole perspective. Instead of trying to be less perfectionistic, I could just switch to a job that encouraged it.
After reading this book, I’ve started to wonder if my meticulous work makes my anxiety worse. I can (and sometimes do) agonize over details all day. I’m always engaging in perfectionistic behaviors. Is that impacting my beliefs? And do those beliefs influence other areas of my life? Instead of work being an outlet for the OCDness, is it just making those tendencies worse?
I like my job and am not about to change that, but it’s an interesting thought. Does perfectionism breed more perfectionism? Even accross life domains? Hmm.
Interesting question, Grey. I think perfectionsim can breed more perfectionism, cayuse anxiety, and bleed into other areas of life. It’s been interesting, because my boss kind of fits this category. She once had an ED in her teens, recovered from that but maintained much of her core personality of always being “controlled,” perfectionistic, etc. I notice this so much in how she wants to run this new business. And I’m almost afraid that the realism of what will happen will shatter her thoughts of “control and perfectionism.”
For me, perfectionism is still an issue, and I find the more perfectionstic I am about a task, the more it moves over to my work, to my daily life issues, etc. Then, anxiety hits about not being perfect. It just becomes a viscious circle really. However, I should say I have seen other people who can be perfectionistic on one task only but not anything else. So I definitely think a lot has to do with your own personality and how you can fall into that trap.
Very interesting. I haven’t really though about perfectionism in that way, but I agree that certain situations and environments promote perfectionist tendencies.
I went through much of my life not realizing that the nagging feeling I would get in my stomach was related to anxiety and that my anxiety can be triggered when I feel like I have to perform at high level (school being a big source of anxiety for me). When I was considering returning to grad school the only way I could explain it was that I just didn’t really “like” school. My first year of grad school I discovered that there was a name for that nagging feeling and that despite my insistence that I wasn’t “good” enough to be considered a perfectionist , I did have some perfectionist traits.
With a lot of therapy and meds, I made it through grad school, while keeping my anxiety pretty much at bay. after grad school I started working in a non-profit and although I liked my job, it wasn’t that challenging so I decided to make a move to a more demanding and stimulating job.
While I love my job and the environment I am in now, I am surrounded by perfectionists and basically I am in a higher stakes position with much more visibility. Low and behold that within a year of beginning that position, my anxiety has become unmanageable and I’m back in therapy.
I agree with you, I am not planning on changing my job, but your post certainly gives me a few things to think about.
Tiptoe – it would be tough to work for such a perfectionistic boss… or maybe that’s just becuase I have to tell myself that my boss does not expect me to be perfect, so I should ease up on myself. I really want to believe that’s true
I wish it could work the other way around — find a relaxed/lazy job that helps with the anxiety & perfectionism. I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t really be a solution, though….
Emily – it’s interesting that you felt anxious but couldn’t identify it for years… that’s the same thing with me and depression. Do you think maybe you had a different idea of what anxiety did/should look like? I think I thought that depressed people were suicidal and didn’t get out of bed and cried all the time. Those weren’t my symptoms, so I just don’t think I put two and two together.
You said you are surrounded by perfectionistic people… does that include your interns? Because it could be kind of handy to have perfectionistic interns….
I absolutely think your work perfectionism kindles anxiety. Isn’t anxiety an inherent partner in perfectionism? And if you think about exposure therapy for eating disorders (eating, sitting with feelings, sitting with weight gain, etc.), for phobias, for OCD … you see that the reverse would be like validating the problem. Indulging a problem rarely improves it but exacerbates it.
I actually noticed that my perfectionism brings about my ED. Or not so much my perfectionism, but the fact that life isn’t perfect and things don’t always go as planned. When things don’t go as planned–ED kicks in and says :”Well, you’re not perfect since the planning failed so you may as well slip into a hole of hopelessness and hope that tomorrow (a new day) can be more perfect and make up for today’s failure of a day…However, I recently started challenging those thoughts and found it to work wonders! Seriously! If we wake up and tell our perfectionistic little brains that it’s okay to leave the house (if you’re late for the bus) and leave your bed unmade–you can make it later when you do have the time…Because if you focus on maiking your bed “just so”, you’ll miss the bus, then be late for class, at which point you’ll say “screw it, I’m late, whats the use of going?” so you miss class, then you’re so upset that your plan snowballed into a HUGE problem that ED seems like the only answer–you slip-up and you’re back at square -10. It’s okay to not be perfect–in fact, it’s even better!! (I’ve tested this theory and must say–I’m much happier than even a short while back…)
Drop by my blog if you have time! Glad I found yours!
xox…
Katya
I too have a job that that requires attention to detail and I have struggled with perfectionistic ocd most of my life. My job does tap into my vulnerabilities and makes it a challenge to act against my old beliefs that I must be perfect or I’m worthless, but ultimately perfectionism pervades all aspects of my life, so I’m learning to challenge it in all venues. My therapist is trained in Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy, which involves changing behaviors, which does indeed help change beliefs. We also challenge the beliefs through writing and dialogue, but ultimately I had to start to deliberately doing things “wrong.” This was incredibly scary, as I believed I truly could be perfect, that it was in fact required of me. Learning to accept that perfectionism can never be satisfied and erodes the present moment and makes me less flexible has been hard, but also has been a huge relief. Excellence is achievable: Perfection will always raise the bar, sucks up all available time, and then smacks you in the head.
I definitely think that people with perfectionist tendencies gravitate toward certain professions. Some examples: professional athletes, doctors, lawyers, police officers, and the military. All this month I have been researching and writing about perfectionism. Today, I addressed the very difficult problem of the perfectionist boss and gave some suggestions for perfectionist employees, which you might find interesting to read.
http://www.beruly.com/?p=981
Anxiety and depression is one hell of a nasty disease. even if you have everything but if you have clinical depression, you are still nothing.;~~
Luca,
Now that sounds a little black-and-white to me….