Now you can facebook-stalk your therapist
There have been many blog posts written on facebook and pro-anorexia, however, lately I’ve been thinking a lot about facebook and recovery in general.
Facebook is really unique in that EVERYONE (okay, almost everyone) is on it. If you’re an eating disorder patient, this means your professionals, the other girls/guys you’re in treatment with, past patients, your school / work friends who may not know about your eating disorder, your family members, etc. In what other realm do all of these people connect?
For most people, “Facebook stalking” means checking out what that guy you liked in high school is doing now (or some variation of that idea). However, for anyone in eating disorder treatment, Facebook stalking can mean following up on the girls you were in treatment with or tracking down all of the professionals you’ve worked with.
Luckily, there are privacy settings. Some professionals even know how to use them.
I was pretty convinced that facebook could be nothing but hurtful to recovery until a girl I used to be in treatment with told me how she and another woman used it to keep in touch. There’s probably a 20-year age difference between the two girls (for the sake of this example, let’s call the older one Kristy and the younger one Jackie), but neither of them had a lot of support outside of their families. In the evenings they would talk on facebook (something I haven’t gotten into yet — facebook messenger). Kristy would see the unhealthy things about dieting that girls would post on Jackie’s wall, with prom coming up, and they’d talk about it. Jackie saw all the cute pictures of Kristy’s kids. Basically, it served as an outlet for both of them — something that was missing in their outside world.
Now, you could argue that this isn’t different than email or IM, but I don’t think that IM bridged the age-barrier in the same way that facebook is now. IM also doesn’t have the public information that facebook has — you can’t see how others interact with someone.
So what do you think about facebook — helpful or harmful to recovery? Staying in touch with people you were residential with could definitely be triggering (especially if they are not doing well and you have access to their photos), but having the support of people who have been great friends is also valuable. And I’d love to know — do professionals ever search for their clients on facebook? Just out of curiosity? For the record, I have never tried to friend a professional myself — although I won’t lie, I have looked at a couple of profiles.
My psychologist is on Facebook, but I have never added her or asked to add her. I actually didn’t even search for her, she just mentioned to me one time that she’s on there.
As for the help/hurt question, I think that Facebook is what you make of it. I really find it beneficial to stay in touch with ED friends (hate to use that term, but you know what I mean), because they are the only ones that understand enough to not let me get away with BS leading to relapse. I don’t know where I would be today if it wasn’t through the support I have had from friends via online communication. Plus, I worry about them and want to be able to ask them how they’re doing. Then again, if someone is involved in pro groups, or gets very triggered by seeing thin pictures of others, it would probably be best for them to abstain for recovery reasons. I think that people seeking triggers will find them, Facebook or otherwise.
I go out of my way to keep ED stuff off of my FB profile, because I do have professional contacts within my own field on there. Pictures are carefully filtered to not include extremely thin or sickly images, and the only real ED evidence is one of my “Causes” ribbons, I have Anorexia and Osteoporosis on there with about ten other social/environmental/health issues.
I never thought of professionals looking up clients on Facebook, interesting….I’m going to ask mine if she’s ever done that!
I think it could be helpul or harmful depending upon the person(s). I, myself, do not connect my FB to anything ED related and don’t want any of my friends on FB to know I have an ED. Again, I think it depends on the personality of the person and where they are in their recovery, as far as if it a positive or negative thing.
I agree with what others have said, that facebook is really what you make of it. In some instances, I’m sure it is very helpful towards recovery, while in others, it’s just detrimental. It also really depends on what you use facebook for. Is it purely social networking, is it to keep in touch with people, is it to play all those quizzes (yes, I know people do this), etc.
Personally, I have two accounts–one for more ED-related, body image stuff, the other for old high school/college friends, dog community, and family. Neither account do I place many photos of myself. And I’ve debated the blog issue, whether to add it there or not.
As for professionals, I know my current therapist is on FB. I’ve never asked to friend her or vice versa. I do the same thing with some of my dog clients. If they happen to find me on there, then I’m happy to add them, otherwise, I just don’t mix the two.
Like with any professional personal ethics, I’m sure there are some professionals who do keep up with clients that way, while other just feel it is a violation issue. The same could be asked about whether professionals read their clients’ blogs.
^^^ having 2 accounts is actually a great idea! no one knows about my ED and i’d like to keep it that way… but i’d also like to use FB to hopefully get more support. thanks.
and no, i’ve never tried to find my psych either. it would creep me out.
I also have two accounts, though I have three friends who are “crossover” friends. I don’t have any causes other than professional/family on my standard account. But I value my other account (which has no photos) for discussion groups and support; the treatment “rate-it” board has been helpful and is more candid than the uber-regulated somethingfishy. I can “talk” with people while in treatment when real-life friends don’t know that I’m in treatment (I live across the country from everyone I know, including family). Plenty of people have “triggering” photos/statuses/etc., but I’m really not that easily triggered, and I have a pretty carefully selected group of friends. There are research notices on FB that can be helpful for people who might not otherwise be aware of opportunities for participation or, sometimes, free care.
Some of the research people from the hospital where I usually receive care have accounts for research-post reasons, but most of them leave their personal account friends-list viewable … not that that would be particularly interesting. I would never want any clinician providing me care to be privvy to either FB account, and I don’t want to know about their personal lives, either. I *am* FB friends with a former therapist from my previous state … but she was always open with her private information; sent holiday cards; visited me in the hospital even when I was no longer her client; etc. I have been out of therapy with her for a decade, though, so …
She has actually asked me for referral ideas for clients/friends in my mare of the country or from places where I have received IP treatment. She called me/let me call her the whole horrible time I was at Hopkins sitting in the day room for 14 hours a day with nothing to do but keep my feet flat on the floor; my eyes open; my behind upright in the vinyl chair.
I’ve kept my profile private (so you can still search for me but not see me) for mainly professional reasons (phd program) as my students often search for me and faculty (yes, faculty) add graduate students on Facebook. There isn’t really anything ED related…a quote is kind of, but you have to really know me and the situation. I think one or two group is ED related but they are both private groups, so you wouldn’t really know what it is about just by the title. I have never joined any obvious ones just because I have accepted students’ friend requests (after the semester is over) and faculty members’ requests. My pictures are largely the same why. I don’t really want to broadcast it. I always tell me students to be cognizant of what is on their profiles…only because you never know who is going to see it.
I am friends with people from different groups, but we never have much contact other than the occasional message or wall posting. The couple that I talk to more, I am friends with in real life. I do like it that I can keep in contact that way, because we all do email back and forth via facebook when someone might need support.
….for my therapist…that is really awkward. She is younger (30 at most). Another member of our support group found her public profile on Facebook. She found her accidentally…it came up as a “people you may know” on her facebook b/c of a mutual friend and interests listings.
I personally have not looked at it and I think that it would be creepy to look at my therapist’s profile. A little too much crossing the line. I honestly wonder if she knows it is public as she is very careful about the “rules” of therapist-client (like if we saw each other in public). Ha, but I do NOT think that I am going to be the one to tell her. I am in contact with a former therapist, but it is not regular and via email–she was very instrumental in my life, so I’ll update her every once in awhile!
I’ve kept my profile private (so you can still search for me but not see me) for mainly professional reasons (phd program) as my students often search for me and faculty (yes, faculty) add graduate students on Facebook. There isn’t really anything ED related…a quote is kind of, but you have to really know me and the situation. I think one or two groups is ED related but they are both private groups, so you wouldn’t really know what it is about just by the title. I have never joined any obvious ones just because I have accepted students’ friend requests (after the semester is over) and faculty members’ requests. My pictures are largely the same way. I don’t really want to broadcast it. I always tell my students to be cognizant of what is on their profiles…only because you never know who is going to see it.
I am friends with people from different groups, but we never have much contact other than the occasional message or wall posting. The couple that I talk to more, I am friends with in real life. I do like it that I can keep in contact that way, because we all do email back and forth via facebook when someone might need support.
….for my therapist…that is really awkward. She is younger (30 at most). Another member of our support group found her public profile on Facebook. She found her accidentally…it came up as a “people you may know” on her facebook b/c of a mutual friend and interests listings.
I personally have not looked at it and I think that it would be creepy to look at my therapist’s profile. A little too much crossing the line. I honestly wonder if she knows it is public as she is very careful about the “rules” of therapist-client (like if we saw each other in public). Ha, but I do NOT think that I am going to be the one to tell her. I am in contact with a former therapist, but it is not regular and via email–she was very instrumental in my life, so I’ll update her every once in awhile!
Cammy – Please let me know when you ask your psychologist if she has ever looked up clients on facebook! I would love to know.
PTC – I don’t allow anything ED-related on my profile, either, but will admit that sometimes I look up people I was inpatient with many years ago. Luckily (I think) for me, there was no facebook back then.
Tiptoe – Having two accounts is a great idea… maybe I should do that. Hmmmm. A grey thinking facebook account, perhaps? Why not — already have a grey thinking blog, email, twitter… might as complete my parallel life, right?
karnii – Are you talking about finding more support on facebook, or allowing those who know about your ED and could support you to friend you?
guinea pig – What is the treatment rate-it board? And with that therapist that you were close with… did you find that having that much contact with her outside of regular sessions was helpful or hurtful to recovery? Just curious.
imaginenamaste – Some of the treatment professionals that I searched for were part of my “network” and therefore I could view their profiles. I think that a lot of people are unfamiliar with facebook’s privacy settings, unfortunately…
Yes, I’ve definitely looked up my T. She is not on there!
GT … It’s a group on FB … search for “Eating Disorder Treatment Centers-Rate It!”
There are threads/reviews on almost any hospital unit, treatment program, etc., in the country by FB members who have been there. People can ask the questions the intake coordinators won’t tell you and the overall impressions of past patients.
It was definitely a plus with that particular therapist, mostly because she was so inclined to holistic kinds of thinking and part of a treatment culture that encouraged open relationships (though not all the therapist had boundaries that loose). I really was able to trust her for trauma work and biofeedback. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with the same kind of relationship with another clinician … or my current one, for that matter. I think we happened to just really hit it off, but we weren’t “the same.” I think we were different enough that she didn’t feel like a friend, mother, or anyone else already in my life.
Every instance is likely different, but Facebook has not been helpful in my case. My T. and I ended up on Facebook about the same time, and it became one of those things we might chat about briefly from time to time. In our small town, we wound up with FB friends in common. Long story short is that FB played a small part in fueling my boundary violations, which led to my termination (and rightfuly so). Not that I blame FB, because it was my actions using FB that were violations. I have a new T. and will NEVER discuss Facebook in a session. FB makes violating boundaries so easy that it doesn’t feel quite so wrong … but trust me, inappropriate actions in private are just as injurious as those in public. If you have a T. you trust and value, my advice is to avoid your T if he/she is on FB. If seeing your T. on FB becomes an issue (i.e. transference), do yourself a favor and talk about it to your T. My advice to T’s would be to block every client who you know who is on FB, for your privacy and for your client’s own good.
i am facebook friends with my therapist-some would say that it’s crossing a line but we don’t communicate on facebook at all. i think i just find a lot of comfort in seeing her on my friends list and knowing that she is a real person too, not just the professional i see in our sessions. i don’t use it to “face stalk” her, i rarely even view her profile but it’s just oddly comforting to know she’s on there and she’s my ‘friend’.
Excellent site, keep up the good work