What bothers me is too many eating disordered individuals all giving each other advice. Like in my example, I’ll comment on one friend’s blog about bad body image hurting her relationship… while at the same time she’s telling me what I need to do to improve my self-image. The reality of it is, neither of us have it figured out. And we can advise relentlessly, but at the end of the day I’m still irritable because I’m feeling insecure about weight and she’s arguing with her husband about intimacy.

Can you learn things from each other? Yes, definitely. But we were all in therapy for years and are recycling the same therapeutic information. It is frustrating to be advised by someone in the same place as you. Lately I’ve had to make a conscious effort to stop sending that email or not write that comment that starts with “I used to…” or “what I found…”

It’s not just my group of friends. It’s many of the group therapy settings that I’ve been in, definitely in residential treatment, and any online forum you’d visit.

I think it’s such a gray area with eating disorders because often we KNOW what we should be doing, but we’re just… not doing it. If we’re not taking the recovery steps that we need to be taking, then there’s something wrong there. Something we don’t have figured out, and probably shouldn’t advise others on.

Does that make more sense?

But, the behavior and personal psychiatric/emotional/physical state of the speaker doesn’t necessarily invalidate the statement(s)/advice. Those in the same boat can be singularly insightful about the issues of others … and can bring plenty to the table, in spite of themselves.

If the recipient of the “pot’s” thoughts can get over the instinct to require equality and solidarity in recovery and reject the instinct to want to … reject … the “pot” for her un-wellness, there might be something of distinct value to be had.

That would be where the gray area muddles up the black-and-white thinking about who is qualified to give advice. Just because what is said is inconsistent with the giver’s personal situation doesn’t mean the statements aren’t true … or that the recipient shouldn’t be open to the ideas of all who bring them. Wisdom comes in unexpected packages … if we can suspend the urge to be judgmental.

If anyone ever reads it, I just hope they are able to take something away that encourages them, that they see someone else who understands the daily strugles yet is still fighting.

Maybe I completely misunderstod; I don’t try to give advice nor do I believe I am qualified to do so; but encourage someone else – that I can do.